We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Seriously, I need to sit down with a double shot of coffee for a minute.  Holy craptastic morning!

I think it all comes back to me for not putting the laundry away yesterday.

Because…

7:00am –  Matt went into the basket to grab Jake clean underwear.  They were white, dainty and covered in Elsa and Anna.  Really?!?  Because those look just like his Hanna Andersson Training Unders.

7:15am – After deciding on which cereal with more angst than picking out a college major Abby sat down to eat.

7:20am – Jake comes down.  Sword in hand.  Wearing only a KILLIN IT t-shirt and these undies.

7:21am – Abby screeches for 10 straight minutes about something that  I can’t understand.

7:31am – Finally get a tween meltdown language translator for Abby.  Determine through the tears that she is mortified that Jake has her underwear on.  She is insistent that he is going to pee and poop on in them.  Rightfully so.

7:33am – Catch Jake after two minutes of chasing him around the house.  Strip him of his panties.  He could care less about them but is livid that I took ‘the perfect sword holder evererer.’

7:34am – Tell Abby to eat her now soggy cereal which she won’t.

7:35am – Said cereal bowl hits the floor as Jake comes running in with the wooden sword.

7:36am – Mom slips on milk when running into check on the screaming.

7:40am – Dad comes back down after spending the last 30 minutes in the bathroom.  Must be nice.

7:41am – Rush to get out the trash as the truck is driving past.

7:45am – Start my coffee.  An hour too late.

7:55am – Chase everyone down to put their clean clothes, socks and shoes on like little babies.  This foot.  No other foot.  Wrong foot.  Other leg.  Other leg.  Other leg.  Good Lord.

8:00 am – Feed everyone fruit snacks for breakfast.  Do Abby’s homework.  Head to the bus stop.  Throwing sword onto the street for some other crazy kid and ‘lucky’ mom to find.

8:15 am – Have a sip of coffee.

Wow.  This is so much more fun what I used to do circa 2009.  Like driving to Starbucks in peace and enjoying the morning paper alone.  Said no one ever.

But them Jake looks at me and says “I’ll buy you flowers.”

On that note.  Has anyone seen the new Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day movie?  I wonder if just Abby and I should go or try the whole family? Because clearly I love torture.